I know, another post of weight loss to go with the THOUSANDS OF OTHERS ON THE INTERNET. But hey, I’ve got problems, alright? So, let’s start from the beginning.
I come from a family of people with shit metabolism. Yep, my entire family struggles with their weight. Every single one of them. According to my great-grandmother (RIP) the smallest size she ever fit into was a size 14 and that was because she lived in a house with a staircase. She was a curvy woman and so beautiful. My mom looks exactly like her when she was young it is fascinating and also kind of creepy because it’s literally the same face. My brother looks like my mom when she was a kid and I said if he’d been born a girl, he probably would’ve looked like our great-grandmother.
Anyways, I’m getting off topic. My parents were thin before they had kids. They were thin before they got together with their current significant others and got that happy relationship weight. Hm…my parents didn’t seem to get that happy relationship weight when they got together. Maybe that was a sign that they were doomed to divorce? Hahahaha!
But, my brother was skinny for a long time because he moves CONSTANTLY. If you’ve read my previous posts, you know that he has severe autism. So, a thing that’s common with autistic kids is rocking back and forth. Trying rocking back and forth from the time you wake up until you go to bed and you’d probably have a flat stomach too. But, the only vegetable I’ve ever seen that boy eat is corn. And the only fruit he eats is those peaches in the cups of liquid sugar. So, naturally, all the carbs and sodium he eats in a day has caught up with him and he’s getting fat. I’m low key happy to see him gain weight because I’ve been the chubby sibling my entire life. Before anyone gets upset, he’s been to the doctors for many check-ups and his health is top notch despite his diet. Lucky bastard.
Then, there’s me. Now, this is strictly an opinion and please correct me if I’m wrong. But I tend to believe that the 90’s kids were almost like the last generation that didn’t rely on internet and technology for entertainment. I don’t think I even touched our computer until 2001-2002. And even then, I spent so much time outside, taking a walk around the block with my step-dad, riding my scooter up and down the sidewalk while my mom and I waited for my brother’s bus to drop him off from school. I was very active until probably the fifth grade when I didn’t play outside as much anymore. Then the weight piled on. It was very gradual. By the time I was 13, I was 130-140. Then I was 150, then 160. I was 18 years old and 209 pounds. And I’m 5’7″ and I know that was not a good weight for me to be. So, I went and lost 30 pounds and noticed the difference in my face and the way my clothes looked on me.
But, then I got lazy, I started working and thought that would be enough exercise. Pushing carts for 2-3, sometimes 4 hours a day would give you that impression. However, that’s only the case if you DON’T, buy cartons of ice cream with the paycheck you now receive every week.
Currently, I am 215 pounds. Not only did I gain the weight I lost back in 2014, I’m six pounds heavier than when I started. And I know it’s my fault. I don’t move a lot, I eat a lot of carbs (pasta is probably the love of my life) and I absolutely detest vegetables. But, I’ve got diabetes in my family, I have heartburn all the time, I have a round belly that I can’t stand, I hate the way my arms look in tank tops, I hate the cellulite in my legs, I hate the way my arms jiggle and flap when I move them, I hate that I’ve never been able to do a push-up that’s not modified, I hate that I can’t run a simple four laps without feeling like I’m gonna pass out, I hate it all. I made the decision to get off my ass and do something about it. And although I don’t recommend picking apart every one of your flaws, the self loathing has been part of my motivation.
And I’m being realistic about it. I know that even if I did end up with a flat stomach and toned arms and legs, that I’d still find something about myself that I hate. I don’t think we as humans will ever be 100% happy with ourselves. And even though I’m a huge hypocrite for saying this, you should still be kind to yourself during this weight loss process. Is body positivity a bad thing? Not necessarily. But at the same time, we shouldn’t be glamorizing unhealthy habits whether you’re too big or too small. But just remember that just because someone is heavier, it doesn’t mean they’re loaded with health problems. And don’t assume a skinny person is healthy. And someone can still feel beautiful whether they’re heavy or skinny. Everyone deserves to be confident even if they’re still working on their body.
The question becomes…do I feel beautiful?
Sometimes I don’t.
And that’s just fine. Everyone’s got good days and they’ve got bad days. But I’m working on having more good days than bad days. I’m working on getting fit. I’m exercising every morning, eating as healthy as possible. (I did cheat this week and had some Panda Express for lunch…oops. Damn my lack of self control)
I even found a way to eat vegetables. I have found that I can tolerate broccoli if it’s steamed until it’s practically mush. It’s mostly the consistency of veggies I can’t stand. But I try not to be too hard on myself. I allow myself the weekend to indulge a little bit and then get strict again during the week. But even if a slip up during the week, I try not to beat myself up over it. That’s the most important part, folks. Go easy on yourself. It’s not gonna be the easiest thing to accomplish 100% of the time. Sometimes, you’re gonna fuck up. Unless you’re that person who hates junk food and loves eating healthy in which case get the fuck out we can’t be friends. Hahahahahaha!!!!
Well, we’ll see where we are next month, yeah?
Current weight: 215
Goal weight: 130