Dealing with Grief Part 2: Our Song

missing-you-honest-quotes-about-grief-winnie-the-pooh

So, this past weekend I was in Vegas. My mom and step-dad had bought tickets to see Celine Dion live which is a whole other story I’m not gonna get into today. My Vegas trip is another story for another day. However, seeing Celine Dion perform was an extremely emotional experience for me for two reasons. The first being that I’ve wanted to see her live since I was four or five years old and when the curtains parted and she was standing there in her shimmery golden dress, it was like seeing the queen.

But the second reason is the point of this post. Some time ago, I talked about one of my best friends named Jennifer who died of brain cancer back in July of 2015. But before that day, when she was still alive and well, she would send me things all the time saying “this reminds me of us” as friends do. One day, she sent me a link to the song “Because You Loved Me” which is a Celine Dion song I assume most people know. It’s one of her popular songs. She told me it was our song and of course I thought it was so sweet and I did love that song and it did suit us quite well. But, I didn’t realize how much that song reflected how I felt until after Jennifer died. As I’ve said before, Jennifer came into my life during a very dark time and she was the person that pulled me out of it for the most part. I still struggled with it but I had someone who could relate and knew how to help me. One of my biggest regrets was not telling her those things. But, I’m repeating myself. Back to the point.

I was already emotional just from seeing this amazingly talented woman singing her heart out on stage. But then…do you see where I’m going with this? She started “Because You Loved Me” which then transitioned into “It’s All Coming Back To Me” which always makes my heart ache. Basically anything by Celine Dion involving that subject matter will make me cry. My Heart Will Go On, Recovering, etc. etc. I will cry.

My mom had asked me after the show what was the most emotional part of it for me and I couldn’t bring myself to tell her. As I said in my last post, my mom never understood why I mourned Jennifer as much as I did because we never met in person. Over time, I just stopped telling my mom things because it was just easier to suffer in silence than get no response from her. For the record, I love my mom but we are two different people and she’s difficult to talk to sometimes. I still adore my mother. Don’t get it twisted.

Anyways, when I got back to my hotel room and I was alone, I burst into tears. I sobbed with my soul. But they weren’t sad tears. My heart was so full in that moment, almost as if Jennifer was present. They were happy tears. Even though Jennifer isn’t here physically, the two of us shared that moment. I know she was there. I may have felt her presence but I’m not entirely sure. It was a beautiful moment, hearing our song like that. Jennifer was there and she felt it too I think. Knowing her, she was probably crying with me.

I still miss that precious being ever since she drifted from my life. But hearing our song made it feel like she was with me again. And to be honest, I felt a hell of a lot better. It’ll be two years since she died in July and that little two minute moment filled me with such peace that the anniversary of her death might be easier on me than it was last year.

I guess my point is that although the grief will never go away, it is possible to resume your life. Your loved one will make their visits and you’ll feel it. You’ll have that moment where your heart is full and you’re at peace. It took me almost two years to get to that point. But if you’re not there yet, you will one day.

 

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